That you could have been spending with your newborn.MeatHeadbengal wrote: ↑Thu Apr 29, 2021 7:17 pmI read all this and just wasted that much of my lifeBengals1 wrote: ↑Thu Apr 29, 2021 3:51 pmHere's what's going to happen over the next few days....
Round 1 : The Bengals select Chase. Most of the board is happy. Mag and Meathead come on immediately and proclaim him our savior and remind those of us who preferred Swallow that we'll almost certainly tap an O-lineman in round 2. Mag kicks the numerous beer cans of his own brew away from his feet as he leaves his PC and shuffles over to his bed and passes out knowing the Bengals won't have another pick till tomorrow night.
Round 2: As is typical with the Bungles almost all the O-linemen they were certain were going to be there for them in round 2 get scooped up prior to their second round turn. Instead, in a panic move they take a tight end our of UC Santa Barbara, the Banana Slugs. (no joke - look it up!) Meathead puts down Meat Junior (I'm talking about his newborn, not the other meat junior!) and gets on his computer to assure everyone that just because he's only 5'10" and played against absolutely nobody in college he's still a great pick!! Mag wakes up, burps, shuffles over to his PC and posts that while he'd have preferred an O-Lineman he has faith Zac & Co. know what they're doing and not to worry, we can still get a great lineman in the 3rd. Stripes and Exile begin to worry and Jmble reaches for his third Subway Sandwich and twitches nervously....
Round 3: The Bengals finally select a Lineman. He's a bench warmer out of Oregon State who had shoulder surgery in the off-season but Meat puts down Meat Junior, the one you were thinking of earlier this time, and rushes to his computer to tell us we'll be fine. Mag staggers over to his PC and before he can post anything passes out on his keyboard, a slight bit of beer drool running out of the corner of his mouth onto the keys. Exile posts that he's sure I'll have a problem with this pick cuz' I'm too hard on the Bengals and expect too much each year, like a competently run team. I gently shove Mrs. Stripes off of me and using my phone explain that once again the Bungles have let us down and it will almost certainly be another disastrous year. Jmble has his fifth bowl of Skyline and anxiously awaits round 4...
Round 4: The team takes a kicker. Nobody had this guy as anything higher than a 6th or 7th rounder, most felt he would be an unsigned Free Agent, but Zac & Co. tell everyone that he fills a need and besides, they heard a rumor from the guy who delivered their pizza the Steelers were gonna' grab this guy later in the round so they just had to act! A block from the Bengals draft office a guy who looks suspiciously like Mike Tomlin slips the pizza guy a $20. Mag is too polluted to post and Meats gone back to playing with Meat junior, which one I'll leave up to your imaginations. Stripes is slowly beginning to realize Mrs. Stripes is not at home....
Round 5: The Bengals select a LB out of the New Mexico School for the blind. Mag has finally woken up, taken a shower and had four cups of coffee. He gets on his computer and tells the board this guys a badass! He ran a 3.9 40!! Mag finds out later that was his seeing eye dog that ran the 40 so fast but he's still certain this guy will work out fine! Meat's wife wakes him up for the 3 o'clock feeding telling him his breasts are bigger than hers. Stripes is certain his wife must have gone out shopping and JoeB goes to the bathroom to wash the babysitter blood off his knuckles...
Round 6: The team taps another O-linemen, mostly just to shut up all the critics and talking heads on TV claiming that Burrow's going to get killed next season and will almost certainly be the next Andrew Luck. Jmble gets on the board and claims that even though they've taken 2 O-Lineman he suspects I still won't be happy and that there's nothing that can please me anyway. In the meantime, Mrs. Stripes is making a liar out of him....
Round 7. Someone as to wake Zac Taylor up to remind him the drafts not over yet. He calls SoP and asks him who he wants them to take next? SoP looks out of the window and the Klassy Kleen Car Wash in downtown Cincy as three Puerto Ricans (No offense O_B) give his Lumina a wax job. He tells him to take a WR. Zac reminds him they already took Chase in the 1st. SoP screams it doesn't matter, you can never have enough offensive weapons. Zac calls the Pete Carrol and asks him who he likes. Pete recommends a guy nobody's heard of out of Wash State. Zac misspells his name on the card leading to the team accidently drafting Mike Hunt. Everyone on TV erupts in laughter as Katie Blackburn reads off the name. Joe the Sot wakes up and realizes he's missed the entire draft. Mrs. Stripes arrives home exhausted and disheveled and Jmble realizes he's been on the pot for hours and missed the last round.
Note: Chase ends up dislocating a small bone in his foot the first week of camp and misses most of the season... Penile Swallow goes to the Lions and ends up a perennial Pro Bowler and a first ballot Hall of Famer. The Bengals wind up with the second pick in the 2022 draft.....and select a Linebacker out of Western Hawaii. Mag smiles.
I read it too, but had a much different takeaway. I have a huge urge for some Skyline now and somehow I feel a burden has been lifted where my wife used to be. Keep her there B1. You can deal with two drive killers now.
